Saturday, June 7, 2008

I CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER TO BUTTON THE SECOND BUTTON ON MY OXFORD SHIRT, OR LEAVE IT OPEN

This morning started innocently enough, until I encountered a dilemma that is still with me at this moment: I can't decide whether to button the second button on my oxford shirt , or leave it open. There are good arguments on both sides. Buttoning one's second button gives him a look of control, wealth and power. This is a good look, especially for attracting certain members of the opposite sex. They will think, "hey, this guy really has it together - he would be a solid provider for my children." The fact that I am unemployed and have been for two years is of no consequence, because I will look like money, and can just lie about the job thing (as usual).

Leaving the second button open presents a new world altogether. This is the weekend guy, or the work is over and I'm ready for happy hour guy, or the I'm making so much money I don't need to wear a tie nor do I have to button my top button guy, or the I'm not Latin but white guys also need to let loose from time to time guy, or the I'm going to order a 30 dollar bottle of Pinot Noir because I don't give a fuck guy. I will be one or, perhaps, a culmination of all of these guys, with my second button unbuttoned.

The critical moment is upon me, and, like Hamlet, I cannot make a decision. Both options are so fecund and rich with potential. They also have their pitfalls, which I will not go into now as I choose to focus on the positive.

There. It's done. I walk outside into the day, the bright sunshine splashes my navy blue polo. Yes, I chose not to make a decision, and am a stronger man for it.

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