Saturday, August 2, 2008


As a famous writer, I am constantly challenged to make something unusual and different. This is difficult, almost impossible - just about everything's been said or done before, usually by someone of superior talent. Yet this piece of writing is completely unique, because I will use different body parts to type on the keyboard. As a reader that's been trained to understand only what fingertips say, you will be challenged to make sense of the ideas my other body parts express. In an unprecedented move, I'm turning the monitor on the reader, making him/her work for the message. In this respect, I am like James Joyce and William Faulkner, fellow modernists whose tradition I am moving forward. So without further adieu, my nose:

gh jk ko er km

Did you catch that? No? The tip only gets two letters at a time, making it a dense language indeed. Maybe my ear will be easier:

joijihfod ijfdopppiii

Funny how the words kind of correlate with the body part. For instance, the above has an audible quality to it. See if you can guess which body part is saying this:


No it's not THAT body part, pervert! It was my right eye. Didn't you get the hint, "see" ? Jesus Christ. Anyway, one more:

`1234567890-= qwertyuiop[ asdfghjkl;' zxcvbnm,./

That of course was my tongue, sliding over each row of keys.
If you were frustrated by that experience, fear not: I just finished a dictionary with extensive translation of my body language (self published e-book, $25.99)

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